Wednesday, October 21
When you find that have nothing at all
It is very life like to be found standing, looking blur and lost, when outfrontly something landed in your path. Our capacity to hold things are so puny that I found myself often staring blankly at the thing. And when you walk further down these path, you might find there is lesser and lesser things you can hold onto, rely on or trust on. Many things of your past can go either way and we have absolutely no control over them. Yup.. totally no control. And we might find it heavy to continue to carry them with us and hope and hope one day these things will change.
“..he went out, not knowing where he was going. By faith he lived as an alien in the land of promise, as in a foreign land… for he was looking for the city which has foundations, whose architect and builder is God. ” Hebrews 11:8-10
This story talks about Abraham who is 78 years old and wanting to leave his comfortable nest one day. Imagine Abraham and Sarah have no children but they had a lot of friends and family.
And one day he said, “ We are moving”.
“ At your age?” they said.
“ Well, God told us.”
“ Right, so where are you going?”
“ Well, He hasnt told us that.” ( imagine the reaction)
It was almost similar how I made that second biggest decision in my life. And then I slowly found out the reason why I shouldn’t be in OT. I still never fully understand. I struggled to find out why. And worse still, nothing was laid ahead of me. Tada. I was not in it anymore. I never planned anything and it took me long to settle down. I only knew I had to make this decision. I could still remember the scene, the very moment that happens after I went to speak to the girl. This moment change my life around. I had never thought of this way before, never in my whole time in OT. I refused to acknowledge or even think it could be a possibility. It just dawned on me like that.. and suddenly things started to make sense why I was not doing well. Suddenly, what Charmaine and Hua Beng said started to ring in my mind again. That urgency that I had never before to take action. To act it, and the courage to approach them. Wow.
“In many ways, His will for us emerges very clearly as we go through this process we've been considering.” – Charles R. Swindoll, The mystery of God’s will.
And it is when I went into searching this land that you want to bring me too, till now I have absolutely no idea too. I went to so many places, seen so much. It is a place you have prepared long ago for me to go. It kept telling me that I have to start small, start somewhere. But where still? It is easy when you have things like you look forward to the end of the day, or the day of graduation, and it keeps you walking on. While there is nothing in front, no goals, nothing to walk forward to, the only person or thing is towards Him. Haha. Towards what you want of me. And when I bring nothing else with me, it is you I would have to rely on ENTIRELY.Labels: God, reflections
Blursze pens down her thoughts at 10/21/2009 08:55:00 PM
