Thursday, April 21
for my grandma
" then she must have really doted you a lot" - Lancaster
this is for her.
It was as if you only ask for us to stay by your side and took time to ponder and look into your eyes.
They are beautiful and one of the kindest that I ever see.
You never expect them to give back or be right there successful. As long as they could live happily and sufficiently because you can no longer give what you have yearned to give. Tucked back at home and unable to go far, you are afraid to touch and ask each of them how they are.. Afraid to see your own shadows, see what you thought that you have failed to do for each of them. You thought that they have soared on board with the wings you painstakingly given as they grew up and they did not care much to call on and ask how are you. And on their side, they are too afraid to tell you how much they have missed you because life has been hard on their side too.
Years after years, what had been done had been done.
As by any chances that I dropped by your home, I came up but unable to tell you and ask of how are you. I could only show you by actions how much I cared with the limited time I have on my hands.
I remembered the countless of times you made your way into the “activity room” in your house, to take a peek at what we small kids are doing. To find solace of all you have, when raising your children up has brought your grandchildren dancing around. Even as I stayed and were busy with my tasks and to be self engaged, you always checked us out.. even when sometimes we missed you out.
In the mid day, you are afraid that I would be hungry and offered to make some milo. I went out to the kitchen with you, sat there and dipped the biscuit you taught me into the milo. It was the most tastiest tea I had with.
I am glad the very few years I grew more sensitive and i see the importance. Somehow i know you wont be around for very long and I want to grab hold of that very moment.
even as little as bringing coffee and mooncake down, taking the chance to sit beside you to watch,
tv, hearing you as you are taking little breaths or even only understand a few bits and pieces of " teo chew " language.. I am happy that I share them once with you. I love you, ah ma.
Blursze pens down her thoughts at 4/21/2011 10:58:00 PM
