“if it is a peach, take it as a peach

But there are things we *can* control: I can control when the fruit will fall, I can control where to plant the seed: that is no illusion, Master!

Ah, yes. But no matter what you do, that seed will grow to be a peach tree. You may wish for an apple or an orange, but you will get a peach.

“For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return.”

The world at our fingertips: Have you ever laid on your bed at night, and just cried? Cried because you’re ugly. Because you’re not good enough. You counted all your flaws from head to toe, to punish and feel worse about yourself. Cried because the comments people blurt out, actually hurt your feelings. 

Cried because your family is dysfunctional, but you’re just a kid, who can’t do shit about it. They tell you to stop complaining, that you have it much better than the kids in Africa. You don’t want to be a burden, so you bottled it all up. Around people, you’re the happiest ray of sun shine. But nobody knows, that at night when you’re alone, you break down and just cry.”

There are some things that we have to say it ourselves, hear it ourselves then we can tell ours about all these wonderful things. – 24 May 2011

My favourite places are the benches and cafes.

They are the places where I don’t have to be anyone.

I don’t have to be an attractive lady, an wise old man, an defensive soldier, an efficient worker, an eloquent student, a caring and obedient daughter.

Don’t be afraid of them” – Jeremiah 1: 1-7

I don’t have to show that I have to keep working.

My mini milestones – 24 May 2011

gaining confidence as I breeze through

As much as there are obstacles and unsolvable issues and blind spots, when you are given a task and the freedom to do whatever you can do. 

I can do magic through it, changing ways here and there. The more I do it, the more I find inspiration as I let things guide me. Especially when I do not understand but I push myself to do first.

How many chances do you have? – 25 May

Sometimes I do not know why when I have got to learn something, I keep delaying it.

It has cost me dearly, even for a moment. It is an even costier price when it has accumulated a long time. Impressions shaped and made, tears dropped and dried.

If I have started off learning faster and better, or my ability has increased to cope with all, I could have done better in the eyes of others. It was pushed and often fear driven that I grow through and push myself hard enough.

However it was the best I can give, given my quickly overwhelmed brain and senses, small working memory, fleeting attention to remember and grasp and sense all that is happening one go. For a being like me, it is way too tough.

** side note: on top of the avalanche of depressing mood, I have some anti depressants – retail therapy! Even if it is buying gifts for people and ultimately don’t have to pay so much but get to enjoy the process of seeing, deciding and finally paying. It is very costly too but it is worth as it keeps me going. I am happy as I give myself chances to buy the things I always like and love to own it. Those dresses and clothes shining on the shelves, the small little bites where we can chew.

I am glad that my dad has given himself chances to go..  to go all out to Johor with his colleagues. I am happy as he dare to step out to look for his happiness after being buried or feeling  disappointed for all his years for those unacquainted love he has for others.

Thank God for that I can comfort others that I can be comforted too.

Thank God I have the freedom for making decisions for every decision takes you further to the place you want to go. I have the power to take each step to change things. I have the freedom to write what I want and think about what I want to think.

I thank God, for even though I might not know it is from him, but what prevails, is his strength.

Hey hey just go on and work first..

I think facebook has become a showy place. That’s why I stop posting a lot of things. And don’t get bothered and it makes life easier!

Writing here makes my voice heard, above the storms.

I’m telling you all this because in Ecclesiastes it says there is a time to rend and a time to sew, sometimes the time to rend leaves deep scars. Being with someone else and making that person feel as if they were of no importance in you life is far worse than feeling alone and miserable in the streets of Geneva.

— Paulo Coelho - The Zahi

Racing ahead before I can be there – 30/5/11

My mind likes to speed ahead and handle a many different stuff till I get a bit overwhelmed.