On the movie Edge of Tomorrow

This makes me think about how someday the world will come to a point where we will be almost entirely exterminated and we cling on to a small piece of hope that is shining in the ashes of our dead world destroyed by our own arrogance and our own corruption. 

It makes me think that someday we will finally see that when it seems lost the end has not arrived yet. It makes me think that it is not too late to change our ways and avoid the impending doom that will arrive

However, when he kills the creature, he is infected by its energy and transported back to the day before the attack to learn that the alien invaders have lost the ability to fight

I’m just amazed how Tom Cruise in the show can do it over and over again, close to a few hundred of times. How cowardly he was and he chose to stand up. How he chose a different way to try different means since he knew he has the chances to try over and over again. 

 

What if you have the chance, to try over and over again.

Just like in real life. 

What if everything after that is a new page, full of blanks and nothing else

Then I should scribble or make some mark that I cant do it , that that would be the end I see.

And why is it that I always do not leave options open, just like I’m always insisting this is the way but I already making sure that I would only use up part of the sheet of paper I’m given.

I’m shutting the doors myself. Why?

Why do I always want to think of myself of not having more chance to try, or even having good opportunities coming my way. 

I always imagined my doors being closed,

that I don’t dare to use my talent,

that I do not think that I would something good coming along my way,

that I do not have anything I have done to deserve something good.

I always believe and come to think that I am made from something mediocre, just as I see where my parents are, what my family background, I came to believe that nothing great can be achieved. Because maybe they believe that too. 

Actually my parents think of that themselves which caused me to think of them that way. What should really put a stop to that end is to stop that kind of attitude that I have towards them. I always thought they are poor and lousy and being superficial in caring me, thus with the assumption, I never look deep enough into their hearts. Maybe their oblivion towards things that happen to me,

Actually my parents really try to provide a lot of things for me, indirectly, through my daily needs like coffee, breakfast, a safe roof , a place to sleep, computer, studies, books and clothes to be comfortable. I think my dad actually really wanna to buy more things, do more things like he want to buy more furniture for me because he want to dote on me. But he really does not have this much money. And he was really very happy during my wedding and proud of me as his daughter. And happy that he know I care for them and always there for them, eat with them

It’s a bit hard to undone the effect especially it’s a prolonged effect, from unloved to the notion of being loved. 

I do not know how to stop feeling the way right now and how can such age old existent attitude be changed over time. People attitudes and beliefs are governed by age old norms, expectations and beliefs. They are unwilling to believe new things or ways for fear, it do not work or they do not have something comfortable to fall back on. 

It is really very hard to identify and see that you have certain kind of attitude, but it becomes so crucial because the assumptions and the judgement we placed, become their calling, their own doing and indirectly pave them.

 

When I learnt Psychology, we learn how powerful beliefs can change things.

And even though I had done well in dunman, jc, I never thought of it as something really glorious. Until the giving up of OT and the repeated failure in getting into universities and failing in my studies and work life, it dawned on me that this is it. 

I really cant move on and get out of it pit, it’s too deep.

I thought I have lost all it is to try over again, even in my new field of psychology, in new found interest marketing and HR.

Many a times, circumstances and people and how they think about you bring on a negative aura that seem to take captive of you. We all become familiar with how their opinions eventually become how you look upon yourself and how we see ourselves in the light of the situations. 

I become very sorry about how I have turned out in my life, no money, no success, no degree, only tons of wasted hours and time. The more I tried explaining to people, the more it did not go right – because they do not understand and it only reinforce the feeling that they think this situation is not good at all. (like from my dhs clique, own family and other mainstream people who doesn’t know me well) ~ I got tired of explaining them and stopped.

There I am, I’m crippled by the own beliefs that I have built up

I’m crippled by what I have seen happening before my eyes

I’m crippled because I come to believe they are true.

How he comes to care on Emily which I think a lot of times, he could have walked off and allowed Emily to die while he went on to kill omega. But I think he want to bring Emily with him to where he is going.

Or maybe when you see yourself in the situation, you become motivated to react. Just like how we did in presentation and interviews when things are thrown as us. It is during these moments that we found our value, found ourselves and found the value of what we are made, how our reaction can impact. 

And what if you do not have the chance, to try over and over again.

What if the chance that I have is right after my degree completion. When I have the chance to be what I dreamed to be, to make visible impact in the society and to have hands on achievement.